In relationships I had the tendency to ignore red flags that should never been overlooked. For example, my most recent ex basically dangled the idea of marriage, children, and family in front of me for the past year-and-a-half forcing me to work extremely hard to please him in everyday possible. I would wear myself down trying to meet his standards of beauty, poise, etc. The stress from pleasing him became so burdensome that I remember sleeping for twelve hours straight because I did not have the energy for anything else. I always thought he would help me to get to work out of the kindness of his heart but soon found out that it was only in attempt to leach off of me any way that he could.
At one point in our relationship he convinced me that I did not know how to manage my own finances and that I should surrender all of my funds to him on payday because he "knew how to keep up with the money". This relationship left me broken-hearted and broke in my pockets. I never felt good enough because he would always compare me to his past girlfriends which only made me want to prove myself to him even more.
I overlooked his cheating and selfishness. I let the fact that he allowed the mother of his children to talk to me any kind of way and tell their children terrible things about me. I even glazed over the fact that he couldn't put me first. I put aside my thoughts of how a man should treat a women and accepted that he couldn't treat me any better because although he was a good person, he had flaws. I accepted his flaws and he rejected mine. I never felt good enough for him although, on paper, I was doing much better than he was.
I don't know how I was able to be blinded for so long until I really thought about it. I just wanted love and in my desperation for it, I accepted anything I could get that was close to it. I was truly afraid to be alone. If anyone out there is experiencing/experienced the same thing, I would like to encourage you to look within yourself for guidance. Listen to your inner wisdom. Know thyself. Peace and bliss-ings.
